Wayne Dyer was being interviewed by Anthony Robbins. Tony said that he understood that Wayne had a very difficult childhood. Dr. Dyer said “no” he really didn’t have a difficult childhood. His father was abusive and his childhood had everything we would associate with a difficult time but he didn’t know any different, so for him, it was not a difficult childhood. He certainly did not let anything that happened in his childhood hold him back from making a contribution in the world. He chose to see the value in his struggles. He saw the good and was happy. You too can make that choice.
If you tell a kid who has some moles that they are beauty marks, instead of thinking of herself as having ugly moles, she will think they are beautiful! My mom always told me I had beauty marks on my face and to this day I don’t reference these dots on my face as anything other than beauty marks. Only old witches have moles!
What You Should Focus On
The point being that “we are what we focus on.” We could have something happen and if we are looking at it as a bad thing then that is what we will always see it as. You’re perception is your reality.
For example say, you started a new business, it failed and you struggled and struggled trying to get back on your feet again. You went out to find a job and you were rejected by one company after another and you couldn’t get hired, so you kept looking.
Then you finally got hired for your dream job. This dream job provided you with excellent benefits, great location, it used your abilities to the maximum and you absolutely loved what you did without the stress of being self-employed. You could look at all of this one of two ways. You could always see that as the most miserable time of your life, the time you were rejected and failed and you could attach all of that to your perception and vision of yourself. You would know yourself as a big loser who just happened to wander into a good job. The other thing you could do is see that as a series of events leading up to one spectacular event that would not have happened otherwise. Which mindset do you think is going to carry you forward in your life in a better way?
The kid with the moles can either look at herself in disgust, embarrassment and despair, (as many young women to their whole bodies,) or she can look at her beautiful beauty marks and gracefully carry them all her life, knowing how magnificent she is. It all comes from the same thing and nothing is any different, except for our perception and focus. Learning to consistently see the best in ourselves and to take good care of ourselves is a lifelong practice. Self care and self love are essential to a healthy happy life.
I am not saying that you always have to be optimistic, the thing is, if you focus on the good, you are always happier.
All of this doesn’t only apply to your self-image; it also has tremendous effects on your interaction, perception and relationships with others. There are people who search for the bad in other people. It never fails they peruse others until they find their faults, then they dwell upon them. It is really hard to be perfect, so if anyone looks for something wrong with me they are going to find it. I can tell you this much I also have a lot of good in me. If you look for that you will find that too. I would rather have you looking for my good points than searching for my flaws. That is one of the things about gossip too…you just push the bad about others in front of other people instead of focusing on the good. It is multiplying the focus in the wrong direction.
At the same time, I would rather see the good in others than to focus on the bad. It makes me feel better about mankind. I believe there is good in everyone. Even when people I love deeply make choices that break my heart I choose to have faith in their goodness and to believe their choices were rooted in doing the best they could in that situation, not a desire to hurt me. Honestly, it makes life easier and much happier.
“Our thoughts create our reality — where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.” -Peter McWilliams
Learning to see the best in every situation is a practice. It takes time and determination to retrain your mind. If you have spent decades seeing the worst case scenario in every situation, refocusing will not be an overnight process. This is where your mindfulness practice comes in. The daily exercise of focusing on the present moment through your breath, movement, journal or mantra will strengthen your ability to perceive and redirect your negative thoughts. A customized meditation practice is the foundation of all good things!
Finally, I will end this with a request that you too focus on the good in people.
Especially the people who you love.
Leave behind resentments, leave behind expectations, and just look for what is good. Then, focus on the good in a situation or event.
Then come back and tell me what you see.
P.S. Join like minded sisters in our amazingly inspirational FB group! Mindfulness, Mantras and Manifestations